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Am I over it already?
Hello hello! Here we are with the second issue of curiOS, good to see ya ☺️ Want to start this off by saying sorry that I’m a couple of days late but I’m still getting into the swing of writing this. I’m definitely learning as I go and since the focus of this newsletter is building sustainable systems for living, I think it only makes sense that I talk about how self-reflection played a big part in getting today’s newsletter out.
Am I over it already?
Let’s set the context: I’d been mulling over the idea for my newsletter for quite some time but the whole creation of it and issue 1 actually came about through one lovely weekend filled with creative energy and hyperfixation: a Saturday of branding and a Sunday of writing and editing. Filled with excitement after the first issue was done, my logical brain thought “Cool! That was great but I don’t think it’s reproducible, so how do I break up this process over a two week period?” I turned to my trusty Notion system that literally runs my life, broke my process down, and set up tasks that I planned to do in the morning’s before work. But of course, life got in the way and the “perfect” plan that I’d set up for myself wasn’t working at all. There’s only so long I could keep pushing the work to the next day before it became apparent that I wasn’t going to get the second issue out on Tuesday June 18th as planned. I don’t know if this is irony or serendipity, but the skill of self-reflection—which I was planning to talk about in this issue anyways—became essential to me actually getting this issue done.
According to Wikipedia, “self-reflection is the ability to witness and evaluate our own cognitive, emotional, and behavioural processes”. Practicing self-reflection helps with a whole bunch of things including understanding emotions, problem-solving, and improving relationships. Self-reflection is helpful for me to evaluate if what I’m doing is actually worth my time. So since I knew that I had a problem, which was that I hadn’t started on the second issue of curiOS, I wanted to investigate if the block was being caused by an internal factor, like my emotions, or an external factor, like my systems.
I started with the introspection first. For me, an activity is worth my time if it brings me joy and aligns with my values. Overall I knew that writing and publishing the first issue was something that had brought me a lot of joy and it really aligned with my values of creativity and connection. It wasn’t just writing and publishing it that was enjoyable, I also really appreciated getting to talk to my community about what I’d written and hearing their perspectives on it. So woo hoo, after some journalling I concluded that yes I did want to keep working on this newsletter. But if it wasn’t my overall enjoyment of the activity that was blocking me from getting started, what was? It was time for me to take a look at the systems I’d set up for myself because I had a sneaking suspicion that they needed some tweaking.
As I mentioned, I use a productivity app called Notion to set up my systems. My Notion setup is me and I am my Notion setup, meaning that I use Notion to run everything that I have to do or want to do. I’ve bopped around using different productivity tools and in the past when one hasn’t worked it’s because it wasn’t flexible enough. Here’s the thing about me… I am chronically overly-optimistic on what my energy levels are going to be! And since it’s usually high-energy Alex that is planning what I want to do, when any other version of Alex shows up I need to either figure out what the easiest way to get the task done is and/or move what isn’t essential off of my plate. With that nugget of self-wisdom in mind, I took a look at the what and when aspects of my planning and I knew that my optimism was causing part of the issue because I wasn’t giving myself space to be anything but high-energy everyday, even though that’s impossible. To address that I needed to redefine what’s actually needed for an issue to be done. The illustrations? Extra. The words? Essential. So I’m focusing on the words only for this issue, and that means that in the future when I find time to work on the newsletter that’s what I’m prioritizing, whether that’s during a quick 30 minute writing session before work or on a Saturday morning where I’m typing away furiously on the couch for 4 hours, forgetting everything else but to breath.
The other issue was how I’d actually broken down the steps of writing. In my mind there’s an intrusive belief of an “ideal” way to write and it’s what my teacher’s tried to get me to do for all the years that I spent in school: do research, develop a thesis, make an outline, write a draft, edit the draft a couple of times and wham! You’re done. I’d planned out my process based on this but when I took a step back I remembered that my writing process actually looks more like this: have an idea of what I want to write and let it percolate in my mind as long as possible, realize the deadline is coming up, write an outline that is basically the essay in bullet point form with all the research in there, write the “draft” which is really the final piece, read it out loud a couple times and make minor tweaks before deciding that it’s done. By trying to shoehorn my natural writing process into some ideal form, I’d really screwed myself over because it was totally crushing my desire to write. When I’d wake up and see “Write an outline” on today’s task list, it’s a no-brainer as to why my motivation dropped to zero, especially when it’s so much more fun for me to watch YouTube before work instead. All in all, the deadline I’d set for myself was still motivating but in this situation the deadline instead served to motivate me to do some self-reflection and figure out the real reasons why I wasn’t writing.
So a little recap on this whole situation and self-reflection’s role in getting me un-stick:
“I don’t want to write issue 2, oh no!”
Is it because I don’t enjoy writing anymore? Nope, writing satisfies so many parts of me in so many ways
Is it because my true love, Notion, is failing me? Not completely, but something’s defo off with my system in Notion
Is my system allowing me to put unrealistic expectations on myself? Ugh yeah…
Is my system trying to get me to do something in a way that feels unnatural? Yep, and I’m way too subconsciously stubborn to allow that to happen so I’m avoiding the whole thing
K cool, so let’s try redefining what “done” for this issue looks like and then get it done in a way that feel’s like good for me
The past two+ weeks was a reminder to myself as to how valuable the skill of self-reflection is, has been, and will continue to be. I’ve been building up this skill for a while now, thanks therapy, and it means that when I get stuck on something I can recognize that I’m stuck, start thinking through why, and get unstuck a lot faster (whatever that looks like). How much time this whole process takes really depends on how big the stuck feeling is and how much other stuff I’ve got going on in my life that is taking bits of my attention, but self-reflection is an essential tool for getting unstuck no matter how long that takes. Since change is the only constant (cred: Heraclitus of Ephesus) and since I feel confident in how well this skill works, I also find myself a lot less stressed out about being stuck in the first place. I can acknowledge that I’m blocked on one thing and move onto to something else because I know that somewhere, deep in the crevices of my brain, my skill of self-reflection has already started untangling this knot of internal and external factors that is keeping me hung up on something in my life. Once I’m ready to tackle whatever I’m blocked on, self-reflection hops to the forefront so that I can start thinking tactically about what needs to shift in myself, my systems, my environment, my communities, so that I move forward or move on.
Self-reflection is a muscle
Okay, but seriously you don’t need years of therapy to get good at self-reflection, it’s like a muscle which means that working it out regularly makes it stronger. Below are some different techniques that I rotate through that help me keep my self-reflection muscle beefy 💪 Try sprinkling these into your life more often, so that when you do need to pick up a metaphorical concrete block that is stopping you from doing whatever you’re trying to do, you can.
Meta-tip: After using a technique for like a week or two, self-reflect on if the technique is working for you. if it’s not then try a different one, or modify it until it feels like it’s helping.
Practice gratitude
Time commitment: 15 min or less
Required: brain
I like to do this in the morning, in my trusty Notion of course, I have a little database where I write down three things that I’m grateful for from the day before. Sometimes I have an explanation of why I’m grateful, sometimes I don’t, there aren’t any rules. In fact you don’t even have to write this down, you can just think about it while you’re on public transport, flossing, or any other zone-out task in your day.
Meditate or do a body scan
Time commitment: 15 min or less
Required: brain
I turn to these when I’m feeling that buzz in my head like someone is sanding wood right beside my ear drum. I like to sit down, then there’s two visualizations I can run through. For meditating, I’ll pretend that I’m a rock in a stream and all my thoughts and feelings are rushing past just like water does. I know I can’t stop the water, and since the water is my thoughts and feelings I know that I can’t stop those either so I just let them flow without trying to figure out what they mean or trying to change them. For the body scan, I imagine that I’m lying on a flatbed scanner and that beam is moving over me slowly. When the beam goes over parts of my body, I question if there’s any stress or sensations that I’m feeling there and acknowledge the feeling. No judgement, no trying to change it, just recognition.
Stream of consciousness journalling
Time commitment: 15 min or more
Required: notebook and a pen, or your preferred writing app
I like to do this one when I’ve just gotten up in the morning because I feel like that fogginess in my brain makes it really easy for me to write whatever comes to my mind without thinking first. I’m not focused on the order, the structure, if the sentences make sense, or if my spelling is correct because, trust, I’m not going to read it again. This is great for identifying your real thoughts or feelings about whatever is going on in your life, and sometimes helps generate new ideas or solutions. Last issue I gave you a journalling prompt that you can try for this, but you can also Google “journalling prompts” to get a ton of suggestions if you’re having trouble getting started.
Touch grass
Time commitment: 15 min or more
Required: the outside
I don’t mean this offensively, I really mean that you should go outside and spend some time in the natural world around you. This is so great for getting perspective and detaching, both of which pave the way for introspection to happen. I try to find ways to get outside every day or even just look out my window for a bit. It still counts even if the views around you are pigeons and street trees, so try it!
Remember, you can always do these activities alone, but sometimes stuff is just more fun when you do it with others. Bonus points if you go meditate in a park with a friend because you’re crossing two things off the list, so ambitious of you!
Now go drink some water,
xx Alex
From across the internet
"My Analogue Computer" by struthless
Great video from one of my favourite creators, struthless’, showing their system for how they keep track of all the stuff going on in their head and how they motivate themselves to keep making progress in a way that’s fun and looks like the polar opposite of a spreadsheet.
If you do anything creative, whether you monetize it or not, this article is such a great read because it breaks down how historically the labour aspect of creativity is erased, what this means in the context of today, and how different creatives are working to change this through community.
“How to fight perfectionism” from The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
Perfectionism isn’t good for you, for the people around you, for anyone really. I enjoyed how this conversation with Thomas Curran and Jordana Confino explores self-compassion’s role in being the antidote for perfectionism. Big fan of compassion generally.
You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.